About

I am Anna Rodriguez-Dela Cruz. I am a rock climber, multi-sport neophyte, a travel maniac and a believer in the karmic universe. I work in digital media for a living. But I blog now because I am also a young widow. My husband succumbed to a depression so dark it overwhelmed him. I still do not understand how he came to do it. I thought we were the happiest couple in the world. He was an athlete and he loved life. As I write this, everything is still a blur to me. Its as if my life has become suspended and frozen in time. This is my effort at looking for purpose and meaning for all of this. I would like to share our story, one blogpost at a time. Perhaps, when all this has gotten clearer and my healing is underway, meaning would come in the lives we touched and the lives we might save along the way.

11 thoughts on “About

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I know what you’re feeling right now. I will give you hope. It will get better. I never thought it would. I said 4 years ago after my brother’s suicide, that I would never be fully happy again. You know what? I have been. I also have been able to get up in the morning and go to bed at night without the suicide being foremost in my mind. I have educated myself as much as possible and still have questions.

    I’d be happy to help you in any way.

    • Thank you so much. I am sure I would have a lot of questions to ask and thoughts to share. Thank you for making the effort to reach out to me. Peace be with you.

  2. I am here for you.

    Remember a few things:

    You have been through one of the most horrific of losses.

    So, be easy on yourself. Do things that will bring a sense of calm to yourself.

    If you want to cry…then cry.

    I just couldn’t answer that question of ‘why’.

    That just kept going around and around in my head.

    One day at a time and.sometimes, one hour at a time.

  3. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I just want to say, I recognize everything you say on these pages. I lost my 36 year old son to suicide about 14 years ago. He was not only my son; he was my best friend. I believe that what you are going through is the most difficult thing you’ll ever have to do in this life And you will get to the other side of this grief. You are a strong woman. I know this because you are fighting your depression, your doubts, your lonliness. You are asking questions. You seem tireless in your pursuit. I hope you will let those of us who have lived your nightmare be there for you. Please know that we are. You are loved, dear one; you are never alone. I pray for peace and blessings for you. Love & many hugs, Mary

    • Thank you. My husband was 36 years old as well. It has been 42 days since he passed away and I am still in shock. I went into hyperdrive the weeks after his death but am slowly getting burnt out and sliding into grief and sorrow. It is terrible that we are sisters in tragedy. But I appreciate the help suicide survivors have been giving me. Thank you for helping me through this. As of now, I still cannot see through the other end.

      • I hope you’re getting out once in awhile, even if just to go for a walk and enjoy the beautiful sights and sounds of this lovely spring. Feel the sun on your face, listen to the birds, smell the flowers. I remember I didn’t want to take my mind off my son, my way of holding onto him. But it was good once in awhile to go out and sit on the patio just to be in a different environment. I didn’t stop thinking of him, of course, but the beauty around was gradually working its magic though I didn’t see it the time. I was sure I would never feel joy again. But I did. And you will too. That doesn’t mean you will forget your husband or stop loving him.

      • I seem to be getting worse instead of better. My own thoughts scare me. I am ashamed of myself. I am needy, self-centered and desperate. Worse, i feel like i have lost my place in the world. Ive lost interest in things that used to make me happy. I cling to Beau’s family like a leech — am afraid they are just wishing i would stop being overly emotional everyday. I tell them how much i love them everyday. I’ve asked for an extended leave from work because i could no longer function. Its been 6 weeks and the loneliness is rearing its ugly head just now. 😦

      • And you will, my dear. Your grief is still raw. Time truly does heal in the sense that your grief will not be so all-consuming. You’re in my thoughts & prayers.
        Mary

  4. Dear Anna, we don’t know each other but your loss moved me deeply and I want to extend my condolences. My mother was widowed early (after less than 10 years of marriage); my dad died of a heart attack in his 30s. I never knew what her grieving process was like because I was a toddler when it happened, but it was only when I got married myself that I began to understand just what she had lost.
    I also began to truly understand how truly amazing it was that she healed, loved, and became happy (happy enough to give my sister and I a happy childhood) once again. It takes time, but I saw it happen to her, I am proof that it happens, and I know it will happen for you. All the best.

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