Ordinary

I considered adding those words, “the ordinary instant”. I saw immediately that there would be no need to add the word “ordinary”, because there would be no forgetting it: the word never left my mind. It was in fact the ordinary nature of everything preceding the event that prevented me from truly believing it had happened, absorbing it, incorporating it, getting past it. I recognize now that there was nothing unusual in this: confronted with sudden disaster we all focus on how unremarkable the circumstances were in which the unthinkable occurred, the clear blue sky from which the plane fell, the routine errand that ended on the shoulder with the car in flames, the swings where the children were playing as usual when the rattlesnake struck from the ivy. —- Joan Didion, The Year of Magical Thinking.

Still can’t bear to read continuously, but getting there slowly. A year after, I have just begun to pick up the pieces of my blissfully ordinary life. It feels extra ordinary to me. I feel extra tired, extra bored, extra pressured, extra indecisive and extra lost. You cannot imagine how extra lonely this feels, when everyone around me has assumed I’ve gone back to normal. But I will never go back to normal. It’s different now. After what happened my life needs to be EXTRAORDINARY. Aye, there’s the rub…Image

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